Drink Deeply

Tonight I happened to flip through the book of Isaiah, and came across the following verse:

"They did not thirst when he led them through the deserts;
   he made water flow for them from the rock;
   he split the rock and the water gushed out."
--Isaiah 48:21

I have spent a lot of time these past few months walking through the desert, spiritually speaking.  I've also spent a lot of time these past few months being terribly thirsty, spiritually speaking. That isn't the way it's supposed to be.

God leads us all through some type of desert every now and then.  These times are always difficult, but they are meant to draw us nearer to Him, to teach us how to depend on Him.  These times are not meant to be spent in extreme spiritual thirst.  Period.  If you're being led through the desert right now, and you're going thirsty, you're doing it wrong.  I know I have been.

Now that Bible verse up there is talking about a physical journey that the Israelites made through a real desert.  God literally made water flow for them from a rock.  But since I'm talking about spiritual thirst, I need to define spiritual water.  In John 4:14, Jesus says, "Whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again." Some people think this living water is referring to salvation, while others believe it is the Holy Spirit.  Either way, though, I think it's safe to say that it has a whole lot to do with fellowship with God.

Like I said, when God leads me through a desert, I tend to spend a lot of my time being extremely thirsty.  It almost feels like that's how it's supposed to be.  I mean, deserts and thirst kind of go together, right? But if fellowship with God is our spiritual water, then how could we possibly believe that we are ever meant to be thirsty?  We aren't.  Isaiah 30:20-21 says,

"And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher.  And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left."

No matter what season of life we're in, we are always invited to fellowship with our Lord.  Let's drink deeply of it.

Treadmill vs. Pavement

My senior year of high school, I joined a gym. I worked out every day after school, and part of my workout routine included jogging on the treadmill.

As time progressed, so did my endurance, and I was able to jog a little faster for a little longer.  (Yes, that's how it works.)  I was feeling pretty good about my progress, and I remember one day in particular the weather was really beautiful, so I decided to change things up a little and jog in my neighborhood. I decided how far to jog, and set off.  No treadmill, just pavement.  It wouldn't be that hard, I figured, since I'd run much further at the gym.

I figured wrong.  I made it a whopping one-fourth of the distance that I'd initially planned to run, then stopped.  I was hurting. I was tired. I was out of breath. I was not running anymore.  So I walked the rest of the way back home, trying to figure out why on earth this run was any different than all the others. It didn't take too long to peg the problem-- the difference was the pavement.

I may not be a workout expert, but I know from that experience that running on a treadmill is substantially different from running on pavement.

Why?

Here's my super-scientific, heavily-researched analysis:

On a treadmill, you're only doing about half the work.  Yes, you're lifting your legs and swinging them forward.  But you don't have to push against the ground to propel yourself forward.  The ground moves itself.  You just lift and swing your legs. That's it.
Then there's the factor of incline. When you're running on a treadmill, the incline will always be consistent. There are no potholes, no ditches, and no obstacles.  If there's a "hill," it's because you programmed it into the settings.

To be clear, I am not saying that jogging on treadmills is a bad thing to do. Not at all! I do not regret one single workout in that gym.  Those jogs pushed me to be healthier, and I benefitted tremendously from them.  Yes, I am thankful for my time on the treadmill.

Now, here's what this blog is really about:

Life at the Honor Academy is like jogging on a treadmill.  Jump on, lift and swing your legs, and you're bound to get healthier. You're propelled forward by the resources, people, prayer, and the program at large.  Yes, you have to work some. Yes, you make real progress.  But you've got a lot of help.

And then, all of the sudden, you graduate. You're no longer an intern. You find yourself standing outside the "gym," and your membership is expired.  You want to continue getting healthier, but at this point, you're on your own.  It's just you and the pavement, and frankly, the pavement couldn't care less whether or not you move forward.

That's what happened to me, and I'd be willing to bet that other alumni have experienced the same thing.    It's harder to run out here, and so it makes sense to see a lot of them just quit.  It's easy to want to quit sometimes. I have no accountability card, no chapel, no CA, no core, and no rules.  I'm on my own.

And this treadmill vs. pavement thing is not a fault of the Honor Academy. That is not what I'm implying.  Like I said before, I am grateful for the treadmill.  It pushed me exactly when I needed to be pushed.  In fact, if it weren't for all those afternoons on the treadmill, I would never have been even close to being prepared to face the pavement.

I guess my point is this:

If you're an alumnus like me:
Keep running on the pavement.  It's harder, but it truly will pay off. A mile on pavement is worth a lot more than a mile on a treadmill.  Just ask your sore muscles.

If you're still at the Honor Academy:
You won't be on the treadmill forever.  Some day, your gym membership will expire, and you'll be on the pavement too.  With that fact in mind, push yourself harder than the settings on the treadmill are pushing you.  You need to have momentum of your own built up, so that you'll be ready to run on your own.

If you're not affiliated with the Honor Academy:
This lesson can easily be applied to things like summer camp, mission trips, or youth retreats, where you're spiritually propelled by others. Learn to push yourself at home, too.

Sanctuary

Tonight, I am thankful beyond words that despite all the stress I've felt this week because of finals, I am able to restore peace to my soul simply by stealing away for a few sweet moments with my Lord.

". . . let us press on to know the LORD;

his going out is sure as the dawn;

he will come to us as the showers,

as the spring rains that water the earth."

-Hosea 6:3

Amen.

His love is extravagant.

Drawn Again...

The past week of my life hasn't been the best ever, for a few reasons.

Most of you probably know about my grandfather passing away on Saturday.  I guess there's no need to explain why that has been difficult.

Then, on a much less severe note, I've been preparing for finals for the past three days, and have eight more days of intense studying ahead of me before Christmas break.

There are probably a couple other factors that have made this week difficult, but those alone are really enough to explain the funk I've been in.

Anyway, it all got to me tonight I guess, and I had just about run out of gas, when I decided to play worship music on Pandora until my spirits lifted.  Well, it took about ten or fifteen songs, but finally I could feel God speaking to my heart, lifting the darkness from me, restoring my joy.

I then opened the Word and read Psalms 9:9-10, which says:

The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
And those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.

Tonight, I am thankful that the Lord inclines His ear to my weak prayer for renewed hope.  I'm thankful that my Savior draws me to His voice again and again.  I'm thankful that when I feel utterly worn down, He can build me up once more.

O LORD, you hear the desire of the afflicted;
you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear...
(Psalm 10:17)

I'm thankful that He strengthens my feeble heart when I'm afflicted.  I'm thankful that, truly, all I need is Him.  Even when my world falls apart, I can endure it if my stronghold is the Lord.

My holy Father loves me, and I'm thankful.



**I'm sorry if this post seems less than eloquent.  I have been studying and writing papers pretty much nonstop for three days.  I'm pretty mentally exhausted.**

Face Like a Flint

One thing I've observed: God calls me things I'm not.

An example: This past year at the Honor Academy, my core (small group) name was Undivided.  It referred to having an undivided heart before the Lord, solely focused on Him, etc.  Let's be serious, though; undivided is the last word that describes the state of my heart.  It's almost laughable.

But God calls me these things, I believe, because He is speaking them over me; He's calling me into the person He says I am.

This year, He calls me a warrior.  See, I am "adopted" into my dear friend Kara's core from the HA, and that's her core name.

This year, I am not a warrior.
I give up, compromise standards, and turn away.
I sin like nobody's business.
I barely fight at all.
I'm discouraged, defeated, and lonely.
I skip quiet times more often than not.
I barely remember the taste of that sweet passion for Jesus.
Yet, this year, God calls me a warrior.

So tonight I was praying, and a phrase from a Bible verse came to my mind.  I prayed it, but all I could remember were the words "face set like flint." But thank the Lord for Google; I was soon thumbing through the pages of my Bible till I reached Isaiah 50, and read:

"4 The Lord God has given me the tongue of those who are taught,
that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary.
Morning by morning he awakens;
he awakens my ear to hear as those who are taught.
5 The Lord God has opened my ear, and I was not rebellious;
I turned not backward.
6 I gave my back to those who strike,
and my cheeks to those who pull out the beard;
I hid not my face from disgrace and spitting.
7 But the Lord God helps me; therefore I have not been disgraced;
therefore I have set my face like a flint,
and I know that I shall not be put to shame.
8 He who vindicates me is near.
Who will contend with me?
Let us stand up together.
Who is my adversary?
Let him come near to me.
9 Behold, the Lord God helps me;
who will declare me guilty?
Behold, all of them will wear out like a garment;
the moth will eat them up."
--Isaiah 50: 4-9

I don't feel like these verses describe me at all, and I usually don't act like they do either.  But if God tells me that I am a warrior, then I'm gonna claim it.  I'm going to be who He calls me to be, by His grace.

The Lord helps me...therefore I have set my face like a flint.



PS: If you Google "flint," you'll learn that it's some pretty awesome stuff.

"Let the Weak Say..."

Let me just tell you.

God is faithful.

In case you didn't know, I have my nose pierced. (Cool blog topic, huh?)  Yep, got it pierced when I was seventeen, I guess about two years ago now.

I took it out tonight.  Permanently.

I was standing in my room getting ready for bed, and it hit me.  The nose ring thing isn't me anymore.

See, when I got my nose pierced, I was experiencing the most difficult, earth-shattering time of my life.  Some of you know that.  Others may not.  Well, if I were to be honest, I'd have to say that getting that piercing had a whole lot to do with what I was going through at the time.  It was a symbol of my pain, in a way.  Sure, I thought it was cute, and I still do.  (My face looks kinda bare to me without it.)  But the fact remains that the piercing was more than just a fashion statement; it was a sign of my brokenness.

Today, I don't bear that brokenness any longer, thank the Lord.  About a year ago, during the first two or three months of my year at the Honor Academy, God set me free from so many chains that had bound me for what had seemed like an eternity.  I took hold of that precious freedom, and I proclaimed victory over my life.  Sure, I was weak, but with God I was strong.  I didn't have to sit back and let the Enemy beat me down over and over and over, relentlessly.  I could resist, and he would have to flee.

So I realized tonight how my nose ring symbolized those chains now long gone.  And like I said, I took it out.  I then began journaling my thoughts, and toward the end of my writing, I penned, "...God has healed me. I am risen. I'm undivided. I'm undaunted, and I'm a warrior."

After writing a couple more sentences, I took out my Bible and flipped it open to a random page, expecting to read an equally random passage.  But I tell ya, God is faithful. As my eyes focused on the paper, I read a single phrase:

"Let the weak say, 'I am a warrior.'" {Joel 3:10b}

Amen.

I am a warrior.

Note to Self

Let's talk about sin.

No, this post actually probably won't make you feel awful about yourself. :)  Maybe I should say "repentance" instead of "sin." That's closer to where I'm going with this.

I figure almost everyone who reads my blog is also Facebook friends with me.  And if you are, then you probably notice that a lot of my status updates are lyrics, quotes, and thoughts like,

"Some people worry about others becoming 'too devoted' to Christ. But I know how unfaithful I am. I know that no matter how devoted I become, it will NEVER be more than Christ deserves." 

"Long to look on the face of the One that I love; long to stay in Your presence, it's where I belong." 

"I don't wanna be just dry bones."

Don't those make me sound like such a great Christian? Haha.

Well, I'm not.  (And those of you who know me pretty well already know that, unfortunately.)  When I post things like that, it's usually after I do something stupid and realize how stupid it was.  It's usually me repenting.

If y'all are like me, then you usually wait a while to repent after you've screwed up.  If you're like me, then after you sin a little bit, you say, "Oh, what's the point? I've already failed.  I might as well just keep living like this for a while."  And you wait until you're completely disgusted with yourself, till you've sunken so low that you crawl back to God and lament, 

"I just can't do this anymore. Please, will you take me back?"

Now, here's the thing.  We could never live lives of holiness on our own.  I know I can't.  ANY good deed, good thought, good intention that comes out of me is from God.  We know this to be true.

So the thing to do is to REPENT IMMEDIATELY.  Yeah, I think that deserves Caps Lock.  As soon as we begin to feel ourselves compromising -- in any way -- we need to turn back to God right then.

No more feelings of failure driving us further from our King.

We need to accept His free gift of grace and move forward into holiness.

I think the following passage fits perfectly with my point.  It brings some conviction, but it also brings grace and hope.  The entire passage is absolutely key, but the parts I made bold are my focus right now:

⁴You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. ⁵Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, "He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us"? ⁶But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." ⁷Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. ⁹Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

--James 4:4-10, ESV

I think that says it all.